


Will I Be Able to Leave

by Winter_Dong_Tian



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, OKDAL, coping with loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28795014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_Dong_Tian/pseuds/Winter_Dong_Tian
Summary: Winter is approaching, and Chaewon reflects on the year. Based on OKDAL's song "Will I Be Able to Leave?".
Relationships: Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Will I Be Able to Leave

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is not meant to be a portrayal of how the LOONA members would actually act or anything related to them in real life. I am simply borrowing their personalities and friendships to tell a story.
> 
> This is based on OKDAL's song, "Will I Be Able to Leave?". I suggest you listen to it while reading this, or at least give it a listen at some point; it's a beautiful song! OKDAL (Oksang Dalbit) is a great duo.

Chaewon walked into her apartment, smiling down at the white ball of excited, wiggly fluff that greeted her at the door. She removed her gloves, kneeling down to pat her dog’s head and giggling at his attempts to lick her face. 

She stood up, moving toward the kitchen and opening the fridge. A box of frozen food greeted her, and she took it eagerly, warming it up and trying to endure her hunger just a little longer. Not long after, the microwave’s beeps resounded throughout her empty apartment, and she took the plastic tray out, her fingers protesting the heat. 

Chaewon sat down at the table for two, moving the sauce around in her food with her chopsticks. She opened her mouth and began to eat, her gaze focused on the empty chair in front of her, staring off into space. It had been a long day, and she was ready to sleep. 

After eating, she got up and stretched, shivering slightly. Since when had it gotten this cold? A hot shower was in order, she decided, and went into the shower room, turning on the water and undressing. 

She let the warm water hit her face, closing her eyes. Chaewon grabbed one of the two shower poufs—the mint green one, not the black one—and soaped it up, allowing the grime of the day to wash away. Without looking, she reached down to get some shampoo, and as the familiar, wonderful smell filled the room, she froze, looking down into her hand at the wrong shampoo. The tears that came weren’t voluntary; they’d welled up all on their own and started falling along with the shower water.

She sniffled, letting the shampoo wash away from her hand and grabbing her own shampoo.  _ Not now,  _ Chaewon thought, running the soap through her hair. When she cried, her head hurt, and she had a test she couldn’t afford to fail the next day.  _ She _ wouldn’t want her to fail because of her, so Chaewon willed the thoughts of  _ her  _ to fade away as she threaded conditioner through the tips of her hair. 

When the water stopped, Chaewon stepped out, grabbing a fluffy mint green towel and dressing for bed. As she brushed her teeth, she couldn’t help but glance at the empty sink beside her, allowing the memories to return for just a moment. Singing in front of the mirror. Dancing together in the bathroom at odd hours of the night. Teasing each other and laughing all the while. The only thing that had really changed about the bathroom was that it was missing a person.

After turning off the lights, Chaewon climbed in on the right side of the bed, shivering as she slipped under the cool sheets and blankets. She felt her dog jump up on the bed and curl up beside her, his warmth and happiness comforting her. She clasped her hands together, closing her eyes, and for a moment she felt  _ her  _ hand in hers, felt the ghost of a good night kiss grace her cheek. Opening her eyes, she saw the light of their Nintendo Switch blinking in the darkness, still charging away after all this time of no use. Their night light, which was usually comforting, was now burning holes in the back of her eyelids. She flipped over to avoid looking at it. 

Ten minutes of lying awake later, exhausted, she still felt cold. It was funny (well, not really. Chaewon thought it was strange that usually when people say something is “funny”, it’s actually quite the opposite) that one winter ago, she had been  _ so  _ happy. She’d worn a beautiful ring on her finger, and the way it glinted in the light had brought about happiness rather than sadness. Every night when she went to bed,  _ she  _ was always right there by her side, cuddling up to her. In the morning, she’d sometimes wake up to the smell of a home-cooked breakfast, and when she tried to return the favor with a dish of her own,  _ she _ would try some of whatever it was, regardless of how burnt it was. Chaewon had thought  _ she _ was the one, her one and only love who would grow old with her. She’d always imagined walking down the aisle with  _ her,  _ owning a house with  _ her, _ knitting socks together when their hands had grown too tired to do anything else, and reminiscing about their younger years. Chaewon thought it was funny (actually, quite sad) how plans can change so quickly, how whole futures can be uprooted with one rainy, spring afternoon.

If she’d known that was the last winter with  _ her _ , Chaewon likes to think she would have spent it differently. Cuddled  _ her  _ more. Called out  _ her _ name. Kissed  _ her _ more. Taken  _ her  _ out and played together in the snow. She would have awoken every day and told  _ her _ just how much  _ she _ means to her. 

But later, after she’s done crying about it for the thousandth time, she realizes they already did all that. They had already been so lovey-dovey and appreciative of each other’s existence; there was nothing else to add to it. 

So much had changed, but not really. Her surroundings hadn’t changed at all. All the objects were in their respective homes. It was the empty chair, the empty sink, the empty spot in bed, the lack of use of  _ her  _ things that made Chaewon’s eyes wet with sadness.

She cuddled her dog closer. It was going to be a long winter. 


End file.
